Treating People as Fully Human: Giving Up Enemy Making

Disaster Opens the World’s Heart

As I write, the world is pouring out its heart to the survivors of the Haiti earthquake.  I watch, stunned at the magnitude of the devastation and awed by the magnitude of the generosity this tragedy has elicited. Something about natural disasters brings out the best in people. Perhaps this is because we would want others to treat us with compassion were we the ones in desperate need.

Having worked with people closely as a psychiatric nurse for the past forty years, I have come to know one thing:  human beings want to be known.  We want to be seen and treated with compassion.  This is why giving to Haiti is so important and why it was so important during Katrina, and during the Tsunami of 2004 and other disasters.  But what is not often appreciated is that humans want to be known and seen during conflict, and when they are in deep turmoil.

We Cannot See the Other as Human During Conflict

We seem to forget this during conflict. Perhaps it has to do with the stormy emotions roiling around inside of us: rage, hatred, revenge.  In the midst of conflict our opponent, who may have been a friend before now becomes an enemy.  He or she becomes other.  Their humanity is gone.  This is true as well of people we have decided we don’t like, those who hold different political, religious or social viewpoints from our own.

Dehumanization Gives Us Permission to Kill

The is especially true for political leaders dealing with other nations.  We saw this during the Bush era when Iran, North Korea and Syria were labeled the Axis of Evil. This objectified those countries as well as their citizens.  It’s very hard to solve a conflict with an opponent when you have dehumanized them and of course, it’s very easy to kill them, bomb them, or commit any atrocity you wish.  They are no longer human beings who have hopes, memories, or dreams for the future.

Miracle During WW I–Enemies Become Brothers

I saw an extraordinary movie recently called Joyeux Noel (Merry Christmas), based on actual events  of French, Scottish and German soldiers who ceased hostilities and celebrated Christmas Eve together at the front during World War I.  Positioned in trenches close to one another, the soldiers were shocked when a German soldier approached across the battlefield carrying a Xmas tree singing Adeste Fideles. The night was clear and cold.  Soon everyone was exchanging food, alcohol, photos.  It just happened. The next day their officers agreed to a truce and buried their dead.  Later they engaged in a spirited game of soccer.  All were later reprimanded for fraternization with the enemy.  Yet something sacred had happened there and everyone knew it:  they were not enemies but brothers.

A Different Way to Live –No Enemies

My practice now in every conflict in my life, large or small, is to refuse to treat anyone as an enemy.  I go into any potential meeting or conflict with an open heart, determined to meet my opponent as a human being, to learn about them and to bring curiosity and a spirit of discovery to our meeting.  This approach has never failed me and my life is the richer for it.  It occurred to me recently that any outbreak of war or armed violence is a failure of human communication.  It may have been preceded by hundreds of  encounters where people could have seen each other as human, could have listened to each other’s needs, wants and yearnings, had it even occurred to them that this was possible.

The wars we now see as inevitable may one day be seen as optional, even as unnecessary, as humans learn to practice and master more empowered  ways of relating to other people, refusing to be cowed, refusing to bully, and insisting on being open, generous, straightforward and clear in all their dealings with all people, all of the time.                                                                              

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