Across the Great Divide

Americans today are divided, polarized by political and cultural schisms that are wide, painful and deep. The nature of the issues that divide us are social, cultural, political and religious. In some ways it feels as if we are living in two different countries, depending on where you live and how you describe these schisms and how you vote. The simplest description of this division is to separate the country into the so-called red states and blue states, that is that people in those states vote overwhelmingly Republican or Democratic depending on how they feel about certain cultural or social issues. We can pretty much predict that most people who are pro-choice vote Democratic and most people who are against same sex marriage vote Republican. No surprise there. What I want to look at today is the depth of this divide, the extreme hostility of the divide, how it got so bad, and what strategies, if any, could possibly lead us out of this muck and mire.

Polarization is pretty much a fact of political life as far as I can tell and were I to make a study of it throughout American history (or even world history) I think I would find that the American electorate has always been extremely polarized on the political issues of the day, even from the days of the American revolution. We were never in agreement! That’s not what I’m talking about. Disagreement in a democracy is a good thing. What I’m talking about is the way we disagree and the depth of the polarization and how ugly, mean and nasty the division has gotten between people on various sides of not only the political debates, but on various sides of the arguments about social and cultural issues as well. We seem to have gotten locked into debate and attack as a style of politics which is so automatic we take it for granted as the only way that political discourse can take place. We seem to think it normal to attack people who don’t agree with thus, to call them names, to use snide sarcasm, to make fun of peoples’ appearance and their sexuality if we don’t like them. There is something very cruel going on in the public square. There would be no problem with any of this of course, if it worked to solve the pressing problems of the day. If verbal attacks, screaming denunciations, casting personal aspersions on people, and cheering when people were down, actually worked to make effective change, then I would say go for it! But when I look around for examples of the effectiveness of this strategy in my life and other peoples’ lives, that’s not what I see. What I see is when people argue and are yelled at or are shouted at, they shut down. I’ve never been convinced or changed my mind in any argument where someone was shouting at me in my entire life. Now, if someone talks to me thoughtfully about why they believe in some course of action, marshalls their reasons, shares a personal story or two, and what they tell me makes sense and if it opens up something new to me that I hadn’t seen before, then I may change my mind. But being screamed at? No, that never works for me. How about you? Does it work for you?

I think we have gotten so used to our culture of argumentation that we don’t even see it or hear it anymore.  How could we? It’s everywhere. Every political talk show features talking heads screaming at each other or trying to outshout each other for air time. Polititians argue with each other. People who have differing views on cultural/social issues like abortion, homophobia and gay rights, stem cells, immigration, homeland security, the Iraq War;,sex offenders and what to do with them, often end up on television or in print debating each other. It is very, very unusual to hear people on opposite sides of any of these issues in thoughtful conversation and inquiry with each other. When people want to express a different opinion they write an article, book or op-ed piece or blog about what they think and  hope that someone reads what they wrote. But  thoughtful exchange between people with  different opinions in a civil, respectful way is so rare in our society as to be almost non-existent. Is it any wonder that so little gets done in the halls of Congress? Is it any wonder that the American people are cynical about politics and politicians? We rarely see any real change and we rarely see any real change because our elected officials don’t know how to talk to each other. They don’t appear to know how to listen to each other and to solve problems together.

How did it get this way? Is argument and debate simply a habit that’s gotten out of control in our society? In previous centuries where communication about political and social issues took place via letter and newspaper, pamphlet and book, people congregated at public meetings and lectures in their towns and there was time and space to think and process the issues and arguments that they were taking in. In today’s world with television, radio, movies, cell phones, the internet and instant everything, we have information beamed to us constantly so there is little time to separate ourselves from the onslaught of words coming at us. We have gotten hooked on  sound bytes, spin and hype, and perhaps this too is a product of the advertising age and the information age. Maybe arguing just makes for good entertainment. But I have some news for the media moguls who might believe that: I turn off all political arguments. They bore me to tears. When people are actually listening to each other,  now that’s interesting. Listen up!

Another factor may be that we’ve grown cynical and resigned about the possibility of our public discourse being any different. Maybe we’ve seen so much spin, commercials and money running politics that we’ve collectively turned off and  now all we do is watch American Idol, hoping at least for something real to stimulate us. Or  could it be that there are lots and lots of resentments and frustrations and unheard feelings that have never been adequately vented about things that have happened in our collective past? There are people in this country who feel completely left out, and forgotten about, who have no voice.  Large scale social movements erupted in this country in the 1960’s and 1970’s: the civil rights movement, Vietnam, the social use of drugs, the women’s movement, gay rights, easy divorce. By the 1980’s life in this country was very, very different than it had been for people growing up in the forties and fifties .  They never got a say in them and those changes felt imposed on them, especially if they were raised in  rural areas with traditional religious or conservative values. Some people still have not caught up to the times and continue to be disgusted by an America that they perceive has gone all to hell. And yet, there are other sectors of the population, one might call them the liberal or left parts of the electorate, who grieve desperately over the injuries to the ecosystems of the planet, the cost of global warming, the deceptions surrounding the US going to war in Iraq, and these sections of the electorate feel incredible pain and rage  at their inability to make any effective change in the tactics or actions of the present administration. We are so separated from each other. Is yelling at each other across this great divide truly the only thing we can do?

I think not. I think there is another way to be with each other and it may in fact be a new way for human beings to be with each other that is emerging on the planet. It may be so new that we don’t know how to do it very well. But that shouldn’t stop us from trying. Because we desperately need to learn this very new skill, which in fact is very old, but so new as to seem odd and difficult to us. It’s called listening. What I am talking about is learning how to be with other human beings who hold or espouse opinions very different from our own while putting our own opinions, judgments and assessments temporarily aside so that we can make a human connection to the person we are listening to. When confronted with a person who thinks or acts very differently than ourselves, the normal way we humans react is to get on our high horse and to judge them, and make them wrong and ourselves right. “Well, if I was in their shoes, I wouldn’t . . . ” and yada, yada, yada. We always know that if we were them we would behave much much better. And then we set about trying to convince them of how they are wrong and we are right and how they should change their beliefs or actions. Or we scream at them about our need for justice. Whatever. It hardly ever works. Why? Because no one likes to be screamed at. And no one likes to be lectured or talked down to. And no one likes to be disrespected. If you are lucky you will get someone yelling back at you. Good luck!

This doesn’t go very far in solving human problems. It hasn’t worked too well in solving an intractable conflict like the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. It hasn’t healed racism between whites and African Americans in this country. It hasn’t settled the abortion controversy in this country nor the homophobia/same sex marriage debate nor the stem cell controversy nor the war on drugs nor the immigration dilemna. Hmm . . . we’ve got some BIG problems to solve. And we can only hope those levees hold and that we don’t get any more category 5 hurricanes in New Orleans this summer! And oh yes, we haven’t brought those troops home from Iraq yet and President Bush still hasn’t told the truth about why he “lied” about why he took us to war there, has he?

So what I am talking about is a very different sort of listening, listening if I may dare say it, from one’s heart and trying to connect into the heart of the other. This is altogether new. How does one suspend one’s one judgmen and be present to another and try to find the humanity in them? Here’s a clue: it’s not easy; it takes practice. A few years ago I had a surprising experience. I was watching the evening news on ABC television and the late Peter Jennings was interviewing John Ashcroft on his final night as Attorney General as he left office. Jennings did an amazing interview and was incredibly skillful at the way he got Mr. Ashcroft to open up. I had never liked John Ashcroft and in fact, if the truth be told, I had mocked him on more than one occasion. I did not like or approve of the policies and practices he followed as Attorney General. But I was interested and compelled to listen by Jennings’ warm and thoughtful approach during the interview. Mr. Ashcroft looked frail to me and I recalled hearing that he had had surgery recently. Jennings asked him for his assessment of his successes and failures as AG. He paused for a moment. He discounted his successes and then spoke ruefully of his disappointments and his failures. I saw a broken man, a man who looked to me as if he might die soon. In some ways he reminded me of my father before his death. I burst into tears and wept and wept. I was so shocked. I couldn’t believe my tears. Why was I crying for a man I disliked so intensely? And of course I knew the reason why—I had connected to him as a human being.

What is important about this anecdote is that I never gave up my opinion about Mr. Ashcroft’s policies being bad for this country. Yet I was able to see him and honor him as a human being. Were I to ever be in a position of working with him, I know I could accord him basic respect and have a successful working relationship with him. I think this is what all people yearn for: to be treated with dignity, to be seen, honored, to have our stories heard. When we listen to each other this way, even if we dislike or disapprove of one another, we create a space, I might even call it a sacred space, and within that space, new things are possible, new ideas can be invented, new possibilities can be conceived, new approaches designed and carried out. This is a skill, a difficult one to learn but it can be learned and I think it is a critical one for the human race to acquire in the twenty first century. So many of the problems that beset us in our world right now, including the problems of terrorism, global warming, even the possibility of a global pandemic of influenza, are so huge they could totally overwhelm us. It is vital, I believe, that we find ways of listening to and being with each other, in these perilous and challenging times.

Questions of Inquiry:
1. Do you get a kick or a charge out of mocking or attacking the “other side”? (come on, tell the truth!)

2. What issues most fire you up? What polarizations are you most present to in our society?

3. Have you ever tried to sit down and understand someone very different from yourself and how they got that way? How successful or unsuccessful were you?